Chapter 4: Off With Their Heads

The CEO, Robert Mitchell, was standing over Naomi with crossed arms. Instinctively, Naomi sat up just a little taller in her chair. 

“Uh, hello Sir. How can I help you?”

“Funny you should ask,” he replied. “I thought it was pretty obvious how you could help.” 

“Sir?”

“I thought you and Rosa were supposed to be fixing this virus that has shut down the company. But when I came in this morning, I couldn’t find either one of you. Now I see that you have finally come in, but Rosa’s still not here. And you’re not even working. You’re just making personal phone calls.” 

He paused, ran his hands through his hair, and sighed deeply. “Do you realize how serious this situation is? Our entire business is shut down. We need to get this fixed.” 

“Sir, I know it may not look like it, but we’re actually working on the problem. We have been all morning.” 

“How could you possibly be working on the problem? You haven’t even been here! And where is Rosa?”

“Sir, I can explain.” 

“Please, just help me get in touch with Rosa. I see that your phone is working. I presume Rosa’s phone is working too? Please be so kind as to call her. I would really like to talk to her.” 

“Sir, I’m sorry it doesn’t work that way.” 

“What do you mean it doesn’t work that way? I just saw you chatting on the phone. I know you’re capable!” 

“Sir, we learned this morning that the virus only allows certain activities. Personal calls work; business calls don’t.” 

“That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“Sir, it’s an absurd computer virus.” 

“You think I don’t know that? I tried to look at our company finances today while you and Rosa were off taking a break somewhere. Do you know what I saw?"

“Sloths?” ventured Naomi.

“Chickens. There were goddamn chickens all over the spreadsheet pecking at the numbers. I couldn’t read the spreadsheet because the chickens were destroying it. I cannot work this way!” 

Naomi imagined the image and let out a small guffaw. It was involuntary, and she regretted it immediately. 

"Do you think this is funny?"

"No, Sir. I'm sorry." 

“I’m going to tell you one more time. Call Rosa. I need her here to fix this. Every day this company is closed down, we are losing money. Our business is hanging by a thread. People’s jobs are on the line. We need to get things running again now. I can see your phone is working. Call Rosa. It’s a simple task.” 

Naomi picked up her phone and opened her contacts. Predictably, a sloth was parked out in front of Rosa’s name, making it impossible for Naomi to access it. 

“Sir, it’s not working. Would you like to take a look?” asked Naomi.

“No, I don’t want to take a look. This whole thing has gotten completely out of hand.”

“Sir, if you’d just let me explain.”

He waved her off and paced up and down the cubicles a few times before returning back to Naomi, “Clearly neither you nor Rosa know how to fix this thing, and I can’t afford any more delays. Pack your desk. You’re fired. If you happen to see Rosa, feel free to tell her she’s fired too. I’m going to find somebody who knows what they’re doing.”